Makes me Furious!

So I was on the internet on monday minding my own business. I was studying for an anatomy test. Since I don't have a cadaver or skeleton to study at home I often will search for pictures or medical journals online to get a better picture than the black and white drawings in my lab book. During one such search an ad popped up on my screen. And of course I had to be for some porn site, go figure. Of course I simply X out of it and move on. But as I had just closed the ad it dawned on me that the girl pictured in this particular porn site advertisement could not have been any older than fifteen years old.
Some emotion stirred deep in my gut. My body started to tense and soon my head felt like it was boiling. "What emotion was this?" I thought to myself. I've felt this before but not for some time. Anger, that's what this is, anger. As I sat there thinking about this ad I reached furious.
I could not believe that someone would coerce or even condone such a young girl participating in such a thing.
I though to myself about how I would feel if I were that little girls father or brother. My anger reached all new height. at that moment I would have liked to strap a grenade in the mouth of anyone connected in any way with that site and pull the pin. Anyone who knows me could say I'm not a violent person but this really got to me.
I think that pornography, especially child pornography, is the most despicable things on this earth. Any man who succumbs to the temptation of pornography is a traitor to himself, his family and his God.

Throw me a bone!

So I've noticed an interesting phenomenon over the past several years. Let me just preface this by saying I've gone on a lot of dates in the past two years. I have a one date a week rule which I can't say that I've been religious about but taking into account weeks when I've gone on more than one date I've come pretty close.
Now here's the phenomenon. With all the dates I've been on and many times these dates were not the first date, I have never gotten any indication from a girl as to whether she has any interest or even disinterest. It drives me nuts, I'm putting myself out there trying to express some interest while not being overbearing and inevitably all I get is indifference.
Throw me a bone would ya! If your interested give me clue. I'm not stupid so It's not like she has to write it on her forehead or something, just drop me a hint. I would rather a girl tell me to go away then to let me just keep paddling along for two month's trying my best to determine whether there's any potential with her.
Or maybe I need to just stick it out until she does eventually give me an Idea. The truth is I have no idea. Can someone help me figure this out?

My Funeral

So I walked by a funeral today on my way to work. As I was walking by the church a long limousine arrived with people I presume to be the family. I stopped for a moment to observe the going ons. As they got out of the limousine I noticed that they were all crying, some almost uncontrollably. I started to wonder what I hope my funeral is like. Well let me tell you.

First of all I don't want there to be any crying, especially from the women. I can't stand to see women cry it drives me absolutely insane. Basically all a woman needs to do to get me to do anything is cry. Secondly I don't want there to be too much talking about me. I hate attention especially undue attention. I hope that the majority of the time is used to talk about God's plan of happiness and how death fits into it. I hope my funeral is used as an opportunity to teach of life after death. Hopefully my funeral can be a time of happiness. I hope it is a time when family and friends can gather and celebrate my passing on to the next stage of life and rejoice in God's mercy and eat lots of food.

Unappreciative

So I feel like the most thankless person right now. Every year around this time I'm surrounded by people who are new to the Ballroom touring team at BYU. They've all worked years to get on this team and are so excited to be there and work their hardest and be apart of the team and all the experiences that come with it. Meanwhile I am just upset that I have to miss work and all the money I could be making and saving if I didn't have to be in rehearsal. Then I realize: "oh yeah I am on a full tuition scholarship." What a jerk. I feel like I've taken for granted all the experiences I've had and all the help I've been given. I mean I've had the opportunity to perform for thousands upon thousands of people on three continents. I've been given three scholarships in the past three years and what have I given back. I don't feel like I've given anything, only taken. Maybe it's time for me to move and give the chance to someone who would appreciate it more. There are plenty of people much more deserving, and appreciative than me.

A Few Things I Want

Just a list of a few things on my mind that I want. Maybe a little random.

In Life:
-A family, with enough kids to field a soccer team. ;)
-My own chiropractic practice.
-Own my own home and have it payed off.
-Be debt free.
-A Doctorate.

In School:
-A semester of straight A's.
-Professors who care about me.
-Not to have to go a single sleepless night doing homework this year.
-Be eligible for an academic scholarship for once.

In a woman:
-Someone who I can wrap my arms around and hold tight.
-Someone who will help me closer to God.
-A girl with beautiful hair I can play with and run my fingers through.
-A woman who will fight back. (nothing better than a girl that will off and punch when I tease her.
-A girl who I can tell her how beautiful she is everyday, shower her with gifts and acts of service.
-Basically just someone who will let me love her.

Something's wrong . . . I think I lost my heart.

I came to a conclusion tonight. I've lost my heart and I'm really not sure where it has gone. Maybe I accidentally kicked it under my bed with all the junk. Maybe I left it in the trunk of my car. I'm always surprised to see what I find in there. Maybe I stuck it in one of my bags and just can't seem to find which pocket it is in. Either way it's gone and I don't know where it is.
Now you might find this all a little confusing after reading my last post, but let me explain. This week has been full of events that should have evoked some sort of emotion. Happiness, frustration, anger, love, disappointment, sadness, guilt are all emotions that I should have felt in accordance with one recent event or another. But tonight I was met with two separate events that normally a person would feel quite disappointed and guilty over. But as I looked down all I found was a black hole in my chest. A point of infinite mass and gravity sucking me into some unseen nothingness. It was then That I realized my heart was gone. This has been a more and more common occurence. But then I thought on my last post and said to myself, "what about last Sunday? I felt some pretty strong feelings and love and gratitude then what about that?" Continuing that thought I wondered when was the last time a felt something before that. to be honest I can't remember.
And so I realized that most of the time I find myself consciously deciding to act in a certain manner. An outward manifestation completely devoid of any inward cause. My actions don't actually reflect how I'm feeing. I'm merely acting according what seems right for the situation. It's as if my heart has been replaced by jello that has been left out too long. You know slightly hard and bounces back from anything (don't ask me how I come up with these things). Nothing really seems to affect me on the inside.
So If you've seen my heart anywhere could you please bring it back to me. I think I might need it. I'm still trying to figure out what I'll use it for but I bet it's important.
And if you think I'm really weird after reading this blog, don't worry it won't hurt my feelings.

To The Women

As I sat during priesthood meeting today I was thinking about what influences inspiration in my life throughout the week when I'm not in church meeting or reading my scriptures. And as my mind typical does it took a slight tangent from spiritual inspiration to more general inspiration. As I sat pondering what influences my daily inspiration one thing stuck out in my mind, the sisters.
No other factor influences me more in this time of my life than the women I'm surrounded by. My mother is a wealth of knowledge and virtue. She is constantly keeping me updated on everything from the family to American Idol. She helps me stay on track in everything from my finances to breaking my problem (or lack thereof ) with R rated movies. As a dancer I'm constantly surrounded by girls, especially my partners. They are a true source of inspiration. My partner has been one of the best sources of advice and encouragement in recent years. It will be sad when she's not around.
I don't think there is better group of women than the one's I know. Back in October I decided to start dating again after many months of abstaining from doing such due to having my heart broken too many times in a short period. I made a rule that I had to go on at least one date a week. Since starting this rule I have found week after week the most impressive women I've ever met. You are all beautiful, strong, motivated, and moving towards something great in your lives. You each have a testimony of God and his son Jesus Christ and shows it through her modesty, action and words. To anyone who has been on a date with me in the last eight months, or even before, I say thank you for your great example. I hope that one day some woman might see in me a bit of what I see is so amazing in each of you.

Sorry if this post has been super cheezy but I thought I should share it with you. Don't ask me why all my blogs have to be about women. I promise my next one might not be.